I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize