he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
