One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
