I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's even glitter on my cock...
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