onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Randomize
