I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
