My room smells like vodka and shame
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
