I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
