Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
