Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
