Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
