i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
