They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
