I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
