i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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