all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
