My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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