apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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