A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
