Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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