If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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