Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
