Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
