I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize