I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
