Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
