My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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