i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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