that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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