Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
