We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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