Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
