the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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