a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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