So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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