i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
