I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
