He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
