i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
