Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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