I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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