apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
