At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize