I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
