He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
