Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize