Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
