it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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