We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize