i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
