And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize