someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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