new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
