I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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