Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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