He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
