HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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