I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize