I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
