Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
