I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
