If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
